Guardian Angels -- chapter 1

Author's Note: This story involves yaoi/gay romance. For readers 18+ only. Story rating is R for violence, sexual content, and strong language.

Guardian Angels
Chapter One

Blood poured from the boy's wrist. He winced and dropped the razor, gripping his wrist. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood and forced himself to let go, and with a trembling hand he picked up the blood-stained razor.

It didn't feel like he thought it would. He could feel every ounce of blood oozing from his new self-inflicted wound. He took a couple of steadying breaths. This is what he wanted. For it to be over, for everything to end....

He shook his head. Flinching as he moved his fingers, he took the razor in his bleeding hand and held it ready over his other wrists. But he hesitated this time, because he knew what it would feel like.

Closing his eyes tightly, he gritted his teeth, and drew the razor across. A sharp gasp hissed through his clenched teeth and the razor fell to the floor again, where it clattered softly into a growing pool of crimson.

The boy tried to steady his trembling hands, and stared down at his bleeding wrists. A shudder ran through his body and he closed his eyes, leaning his head back slowly to rest against the wall. New tears found their way down old trails on his cheeks, glistening and wet in the pale moonlight that filtered down through the bedroom window.

There was a soft knock on the door and the boy jumped, his heart hammering a thousand beats a second in his chest, the sudden movement making his vision swim.

"Erin?"

The male voice was soft, comforting, soothing. Tears flowed more freely down the boy's cheeks. Why...?

The blonde boy's heart thundered loud in his ears as he feared the other might come in, but then he remembered he had locked the door. And suddenly, a part of him wished he hadn't....

"Erin? Are you okay?" The voice was anxious now, concerned.

Erin's tears flowed down hot and fast and he bit back a sob, staring down at his bleeding wrists again. The bleeding had slowed some, but his head was swimming and his vision blurring ever so slightly.

There was the sound of the doorknob trying to be turned, but to no avail. "Erin, please.... Please forgive me...." Now the voice sounded sad.

The blonde closed his eyes. I do! He wanted to scream, but he bit his lip instead. It's me I hate, not you....

There was silence outside the door for several long moments, and when the voice spoke again, Erin found he had to pull himself back from drifting off. "Erin... I smell blood.... What are you doing?" Now there was a sharp concern in the other male's voice. "Erin??"

Erin tried to block out the voice. "Please go away...." He sobbed, hot tears flowing freely down his pale cheeks. "Please, please leave...."

Silence for several long seconds. "Oh, Erin, please don't be doing what I think you are...."

"Go away, James, please." Hot blood continued to course down the blonde boy's arms.

"Please open the door...." His voice was still soothing, but haunted with concern and sorrow. "Oh, please don't do this...." He begged.

Erin closed his crying eyes again. His body shuddered tightly and a wave of cold swept through his body, making his head pound and causing him to shiver.

"Erin...." The voice on the other side of the door was sad and quiet, barely audible. "I'm sorry, Erin.... I'm so sorry.... Please understand... I couldn't loose you.... I couldn't let you go...."

The blonde boy's tears were ebbing slightly, but only because he was now too weak to cry. "I don't hate you...." He whispered, and somehow knew the other could still hear. "I don't...."

"Let me in, Erin.... Please...." James pleaded softly from the other side of the hardwood door.

Erin kept his eyes closed, warm tears still gently caressing his cheeks. He wanted to sleep, and he never wanted to wake again. A small gasp passed his lips as a sharp pain pressed at his wrists, like the razor was cutting them again. He was beginning to feel more and more tired, more like he just wanted to sleep. The blonde boy leaned his head against the wall again and prayed for eternal sleep.

There was a soft rattling at the door. Erin knew James would come in, weather he wanted him to or not. It was his house, after all. He had a key. But he didn't open his eyes. He didn't want to see the other boy's worried, sad face.

"Oh, Erin...." James breathed as the door opened silently. But the dark haired boy didn't move fast and hurried like someone normally would when they found someone they cared for dying on their bedroom floor. Instead he moved slowly, and smoothly. It was like he didn't make any movement at all, and yet he knelt by the younger boy's side.

Erin closed his eyes more tightly. He couldn't stand looking at James' perfect, beautiful face, saddened because of him. It was torture in itself to hear the other's grief and regret in his voice.

The black-haired boy gently took one of Erin's hands in his, golden eyes fixed on the blood flowing now sluggishly from the wound. "Is this what you want, Erin?" James whispered.

At first Erin was only silent, tears still falling. He tried to take a deep breath, but James' scent suddenly invaded his senses and he held his breath instead, even if it did make his head swim, sinking him deeper into darkness. "Yes...." He breathed.

The blonde could almost physically feel James' sadness weigh down the air in the room, like a cold draft. "I'm sorry...." James whispered, gently stroking Erin's palm with his fingertip. "I'm so, so sorry...."

Erin slowly shook his head, even if it did make him dizzy. It took him a moment to find his voice. "I know why you did it." He murmured.

James closed his gold colored eyes and tenderly touched Erin's fingertips to his lips. "I'm sorry it's not going to make a difference...."

The blonde boy's lips twitched slightly, like he might smile. "Aren't you happy about that?"

The black haired boy slowly shook his head. "I can't be happy when you're so upset." He murmured quietly.

Erin realized that his heartbeats were becoming very slow. It was becoming very tiring to keep breathing as well. He let himself sink farther into sleep. "I still love you...." He whispered weakly.

James softly pressed his cheek against Erin's palm. "And I you."

A small, sad smile flitted across Erin's lips just before the warm blanket of sleep enveloped him completely. "I know...."